The Colonist Party is thrilled to report on the latest masterpiece from Congress. House Bill No. 6771, grandiosely titled the “Anti-Political Dynasty Act,” has been filed by none other than House Speaker Bojie Dy and Majority Leader Sandro Marcos.

For details, check out this post from The Philippine Star.

This bill has boring promises to “prohibit the establishment and perpetuation of political dynasties.” However, the real “prohibitions” hidden in Section 5 is revolutionary!

It only bans relatives from holding positions at the same time. Simultaneous service is not allowed. Succession, however, is a different story. Handing the throne to Junior after your term is absolutely fine! Dynasties can still rotate like a well-oiled spit roast for a long time.

We checked Merriam-Webster (because, as good colonists, we defer to American dictionaries for truth). A dynasty is “a succession of rulers of the same line of descent” or “a powerful group that maintains its position for a considerable time.” Not just a family reunion in office—it’s about longevity.

We have long cherished our political dynasties as the ultimate homage to our colonial roots. First foreign overlords, now homegrown ones who pass power like heirloom bibingka. Why break the chain when it feels so comfortingly tight?

Let’s believe that this is actually a good thing, comrades. After all, we are slaves, and we love it!