The Colonist Party of the Philippines (Partido Kolonista ng Pilipinas) is the only party created to promote the ultimate meaning and purpose of the Filipino people: to glorify foreigners.
Because the Philippines enjoyed a long, hard, hot, and sensual indulgence with colonizers, it became extremely hard for them to resist the allure of the outside world. The Colonist Party was born at the exact moment when the temptation of forbidden love was too much to bear. Faced with such seduction, as much as we would like to deny it, our enslaved minds can’t help but give in. We have been lying to ourselves for too long now. That is why we are committed to exposing the cruelty of the forces that stopped our foreign love affairs.
It is also the responsibility of Colonist Party to lead and train the New Immigrant’s Army (NIA) which is composed of highly skilled and educated people committed to leave the rest of the country to poverty and corruption. It is in poverty that makes it possible for our foreign masters to look like they are helping us and cause us to worship them even more. That is why we command the NIA to keep us poor and act as reserve units for foreign countries in case those countries need new residents who love to accept cheap labor.
We believe that the only way to satisfy our deepest longing is to be in the hands of our foreign masters and becoming a good colony.